LITTLE EPIPHANIES... From This Day Forward
I had a minipiphany at 8 a.m. this morning. About my actor self. It came with a few tears... of fatigue, sadness, joy, relief, confusion... but mostly of gratitude. Realizations almost always come to me with a sense of generality; epiphanies arrive in the 1st person singular. Epiphanies tend to come with waves of heat, like I suddenly have a fever. I don't know if it's the same for everyone. Anyway, below is what came with the wave - I grabbed a pen and paper and this came spilling out. I know that I have said parts of this to actors before. But what we impart to others is often that which we know, but are not consciously ready to impart with ourselves. It arrived as an epiphany; it is now an understanding.
When I try too hard not to think, the thinking I ache to suppress must be replaced with something and all too often, I aim to replace it with feeling. "I will try not to think. I will try to feel." But I do not feel, because feeling cannot be achieved by design. Instead, I emote. And therein lies the lie. Emoting and feeling are not the same. Emoting is doing. Feeling is being. Feeling is unconscious. It cannot be a decision. The instant it becomes one, it is not feeling at all. It is acting, and it can be spotted a mile away.
Acting is often the downfall of the moment. Acting is the creating on the way to becoming, but it must never be the end. Acting is exploration; becoming is actualization. Acting is the nemesis of the actor, for acting and becoming cannot occupy the same space. So emoting must go in a drawer, as thinking does, and be locked away. In its place, I shall commit solely to being. That is it. That is all. Where the authentic being lives, feeling reigns. I'll not take the simplistic shortcut, but will follow the simple road. I will let go, and let it be. Being will always find the balance of thought and emotion, of subtlety and strength. That is its default setting. All else is extraneous. All else is untrue. Sincerity is my path and my nature. Do not complicate. - T. Taitt, Aug 12 2012
Acting is often the downfall of the moment. Acting is the creating on the way to becoming, but it must never be the end. Acting is exploration; becoming is actualization. Acting is the nemesis of the actor, for acting and becoming cannot occupy the same space. So emoting must go in a drawer, as thinking does, and be locked away. In its place, I shall commit solely to being. That is it. That is all. Where the authentic being lives, feeling reigns. I'll not take the simplistic shortcut, but will follow the simple road. I will let go, and let it be. Being will always find the balance of thought and emotion, of subtlety and strength. That is its default setting. All else is extraneous. All else is untrue. Sincerity is my path and my nature. Do not complicate. - T. Taitt, Aug 12 2012
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