LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN...
Since the news story broke last week that Republican U.S. Senator Rob Portman had announced his support for gay marriage after learning that his son is a homosexual, I have read article after article and post after post that have left me shaking my head. The general tone of these writings has been scathing, bashing Senator Portman and calling him a hypocritical phony who only changed his tune when the issue affected him personally. As I've read these criticisms, one singular feeling has arisen each and every time.
Disappointment.
And it has brought painfully to light what I already knew -- that liberals can be just as shortsighted as conservatives.
Senator Portman is by no means the only man of his age who, raised in religion, bought into the whole "homosexuality is a sin" belief. Is it wrong and lacking in humanity and insight? Yes. However I am quite sure that most of us don't have to think too hard to come up with the name of an aunt, uncle or grandparent who feels exactly the same way. And so my question to every person who has bashed the senator is this: if YOU were (or are) gay, and that particular uncle's views on homosexuality changed after you came out to him, how would you feel? Would you be moved, happy that a once-bigot had found himself so impacted by a specific situation and his love for you that it rocked and changed his heart, or would you call your uncle a hypocritical phony whose sincerity you didn't buy for a minute?
I would be the former. But maybe that's just me.
Those throwing around the word hypocrisy should perhaps look it up. While one can be unimpressed with the timing of his change, hypocrisy would be if Senator Portman was speaking up publicly against gay marriage rights, while privately advocating them for his son. That is not what he is doing. He is not Dick Cheney, claiming to love a gay child while actively supporting legislation that would disenfranchise her. The change of heart that he has had has shifted his view on gay marriage as public policy across the board, for his gay child and everyone else's.
It took Portman some time after learning about this son for him to publicly change his position. How many conservative Christian parents accept the news that their child is gay instantly? We all know of parents who went through an extended period of coming to terms with their child's coming out; even more liberal parents need a moment to process that their child's sexuality is not what they envisioned. It is not surprising that Senator Portman maintained his original political views while going through that period. When he had reached the point of understanding and acceptance on a personal level, his politics began to follow suit.
That is not hypocrisy. In fact, it is its opposite -- congruence. That is alignment. And in this particular case, that alignment was profound progress.
There is no personal progress if each of us is not afforded the opportunity to be wrong, and then to as a result of an experience, personal or not, learn how to be right.
Portman should not be treated like a hero for doing the just thing after years spent on the oppressive side. But when someone seemingly moves from the wrong to the right side of history, perhaps we could simply seek to verify rather than vilify.
Back in 2010 I wrote a blog post called Why Spirit Day Matters To Me, which recounted my own private journey away from homophobia. As with Senator Portman, the shift that happened within me came as a result of personal experience. To suggest for one moment that that shift wasn't real, or that it didn't happen at the very core level of my being, would be dead wrong. Would my feelings have changed without that experience? I would like to think so. I believe that maturation and exposure to the world around me would have led me to the same conclusion. But asking that question is moot. The fact is that my feelings did change. I became a wiser person. To me, that is the point of walking this earth.
We don't know everyone's story. The things that alter our views can be first person experience, or second person, or third person. That is the variance of life. The important thing is that the views that need to change, do. I have heard countless stories of those who lobbied against gun control and became its greatest supporters after a loved one died at the hands of a gun. I read once about a man who hated dogs until one saved his life. I have seen diehard racists whose views miraculously changed the moment they looked into the eyes of their biracial grandchild and, just as miraculously, could feel only love. Many people watch the news with supposedly bleeding hearts, but never give to a charity until it's their mom with the cancer. We never know what the thing might be that will melt the ice inside someone. Inside of us. But when it arrives, in whatever form, are we seriously going to choose to criticize it?
Senator Portman is being hammered by conservatives for supporting equal marriage and his popularity amongst Republicans has taken a nosedive. He had to know what speaking out in favour of gay rights would mean to him politically, but he did it. It saddens me deeply that so many on the liberal side of the table have chosen to stand in such harsh judgement. What is it that we want? Do we not want those with bigoted ideas to come around to a new way of thinking? Or do we only want that only if they do it in exactly the way we would have it happen?
We on the left can be unforgiving.
I absolutely recognize that for those who are gay, there is no comfort and no patience being denied rights while waiting for others people's realizations. As a black woman, I very much understand that. However, we all must remember that we are all human, which means that we are all flawed. Not all of us see our flaws as quickly or as clearly than others.
Some are capable of holding the compassionate view based on nothing but empathy while others, usually as a result of their conditioning, have an ingrained prejudice. Theirs is a harder shell, one which will only be cracked by experiencing suffering and injustice at a closer vantage point. It does not make the latter group's transformations insincere, only part of a different evolutionary path. There is no singular way for the same lesson to be learned. I offer a peaceful hand to every former racist, sexist or homophobe whose views changed and hearts opened as a result of something hitting close to home. Sometimes that's what it takes. If that's what it took for Rob Portman, then that's what it took.
There is now one less bigot in the U.S. Congress -- one less bigot in the world -- and that is a beautiful thing. I choose to be grateful for that, not to hurl condemnation at someone else's epiphany.
- TT
Disappointment.
And it has brought painfully to light what I already knew -- that liberals can be just as shortsighted as conservatives.
Senator Portman is by no means the only man of his age who, raised in religion, bought into the whole "homosexuality is a sin" belief. Is it wrong and lacking in humanity and insight? Yes. However I am quite sure that most of us don't have to think too hard to come up with the name of an aunt, uncle or grandparent who feels exactly the same way. And so my question to every person who has bashed the senator is this: if YOU were (or are) gay, and that particular uncle's views on homosexuality changed after you came out to him, how would you feel? Would you be moved, happy that a once-bigot had found himself so impacted by a specific situation and his love for you that it rocked and changed his heart, or would you call your uncle a hypocritical phony whose sincerity you didn't buy for a minute?
Those throwing around the word hypocrisy should perhaps look it up. While one can be unimpressed with the timing of his change, hypocrisy would be if Senator Portman was speaking up publicly against gay marriage rights, while privately advocating them for his son. That is not what he is doing. He is not Dick Cheney, claiming to love a gay child while actively supporting legislation that would disenfranchise her. The change of heart that he has had has shifted his view on gay marriage as public policy across the board, for his gay child and everyone else's.
It took Portman some time after learning about this son for him to publicly change his position. How many conservative Christian parents accept the news that their child is gay instantly? We all know of parents who went through an extended period of coming to terms with their child's coming out; even more liberal parents need a moment to process that their child's sexuality is not what they envisioned. It is not surprising that Senator Portman maintained his original political views while going through that period. When he had reached the point of understanding and acceptance on a personal level, his politics began to follow suit.
That is not hypocrisy. In fact, it is its opposite -- congruence. That is alignment. And in this particular case, that alignment was profound progress.
There is no personal progress if each of us is not afforded the opportunity to be wrong, and then to as a result of an experience, personal or not, learn how to be right.
Portman should not be treated like a hero for doing the just thing after years spent on the oppressive side. But when someone seemingly moves from the wrong to the right side of history, perhaps we could simply seek to verify rather than vilify.
Back in 2010 I wrote a blog post called Why Spirit Day Matters To Me, which recounted my own private journey away from homophobia. As with Senator Portman, the shift that happened within me came as a result of personal experience. To suggest for one moment that that shift wasn't real, or that it didn't happen at the very core level of my being, would be dead wrong. Would my feelings have changed without that experience? I would like to think so. I believe that maturation and exposure to the world around me would have led me to the same conclusion. But asking that question is moot. The fact is that my feelings did change. I became a wiser person. To me, that is the point of walking this earth.
We don't know everyone's story. The things that alter our views can be first person experience, or second person, or third person. That is the variance of life. The important thing is that the views that need to change, do. I have heard countless stories of those who lobbied against gun control and became its greatest supporters after a loved one died at the hands of a gun. I read once about a man who hated dogs until one saved his life. I have seen diehard racists whose views miraculously changed the moment they looked into the eyes of their biracial grandchild and, just as miraculously, could feel only love. Many people watch the news with supposedly bleeding hearts, but never give to a charity until it's their mom with the cancer. We never know what the thing might be that will melt the ice inside someone. Inside of us. But when it arrives, in whatever form, are we seriously going to choose to criticize it?
Senator Portman is being hammered by conservatives for supporting equal marriage and his popularity amongst Republicans has taken a nosedive. He had to know what speaking out in favour of gay rights would mean to him politically, but he did it. It saddens me deeply that so many on the liberal side of the table have chosen to stand in such harsh judgement. What is it that we want? Do we not want those with bigoted ideas to come around to a new way of thinking? Or do we only want that only if they do it in exactly the way we would have it happen?
We on the left can be unforgiving.
I absolutely recognize that for those who are gay, there is no comfort and no patience being denied rights while waiting for others people's realizations. As a black woman, I very much understand that. However, we all must remember that we are all human, which means that we are all flawed. Not all of us see our flaws as quickly or as clearly than others.
Some are capable of holding the compassionate view based on nothing but empathy while others, usually as a result of their conditioning, have an ingrained prejudice. Theirs is a harder shell, one which will only be cracked by experiencing suffering and injustice at a closer vantage point. It does not make the latter group's transformations insincere, only part of a different evolutionary path. There is no singular way for the same lesson to be learned. I offer a peaceful hand to every former racist, sexist or homophobe whose views changed and hearts opened as a result of something hitting close to home. Sometimes that's what it takes. If that's what it took for Rob Portman, then that's what it took.
There is now one less bigot in the U.S. Congress -- one less bigot in the world -- and that is a beautiful thing. I choose to be grateful for that, not to hurl condemnation at someone else's epiphany.
- TT
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